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 Ben the Avenger.

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Posts : 3148
Join date : 2011-06-23
Location : In a galaxy far far away.

PostSubject: Ben the Avenger.   Sun Sep 23, 2012 9:53 pm

The evil hiss traveled through the dark skies of Canifis as Ben was just about to fall asleep. He knew what this meant, another kill for the vampyres. Night after night the vampyres would come further and further into the town to swipe unsuspecting victims off the streets. Luckily for Ben he didn’t technically live “in” the city rather, he lived under it. He had no parents, not that he remembered at least, the only memory was a faint glimpse of a blonde haired, blue eyed temptress with a red tattoo of a dragon on her shoulder standing over his cradle with a bloody knife around her neck. Three simple words “go, find Barca.” That’s all he could remember, a face with no name and three words with no meaning.

The next morning Ben was doing his daily chores when a flash in the distance caught his eye. Being the curious little boy he was, he went over to the corn field to check it out. Before abandoning his chores he made sure no one was looking because the punishment for not working meant no supper. Then he sprinted off into the field. The tall pillars of corn surrounded him on both sides; he headed for the area where he had seen the flash. A searing burst of pain in his neck and his vision went black.

“What should we do with this specimen? He has special blood.” Hissed the mysterious voice. He couldn’t see anything but two dark figures standing in the corner of the room. “What do you think we are going to do with him? We are going to study him, and if he figures anything out we will kill him.” Said a second voice. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Were they talking about him? How could anyone do such a horrible thing? He had thousands of questions but not a single answer.

“oh look! The specimen has awoken.” Said the first voice. “Good, good now we can begin the interrogation.”

He struggled to break the bindings, but to no avail. His 8 year old muscles weren’t strong enough to break even the simplest leather ropes that entangled his body. He saw bright lights, and then he popped into a room with dozens of tables in it and humans strapped down on all of them. The smell of raw flesh filled the air and he almost lost control of his stomach. He turned to the left and saw a familiar face. Blue eyes, blonde hair, and red dragon tattoo. It was her, it was his mom.

“MOM!” he screamed. “……Ben….. Go, find Barca.” she replied faintly. Her head lolled back and her chest ceased to rise, she was dead.

The tears exploded out of his eyes, he shook uncontrollably. “SHUT UP, you stupid little vermin.” But he couldn’t stop. They put him in a room alone and locked the door. All he heard before they left was “He’s not ready yet…..”. Ben sobbed violently for hours before sleep finally overtook his tired little body.

He woke up the next morning to the sound of loud screeches. He thought to himself, “They’re killing more humans just like they’re going to kill me…..” The tears boiled up and he started to cry again. The thought of his imminent death was too much. They were coming down in streams from his eyes, he couldn’t stop. Suddenly a voice rang out “Human on floor 6! LOCK EVERYTHING DO…….” Then the most disgusting gurgling sound rang over the entire place.

Another voice rang through the structure. “Ben stay right where you are, I’ll be there in 2 minutes be ready to run.” Was he going crazy? Voices inside his head, His subconscious giving him hope of escape maybe? Yes that’s probably it. “I’ll be dead soon, so the voices will fade.”
Just then a body slammed through the door bearing beautiful crimson armor with hints of gold and a shield with a deep emerald tint. The design of the shield looked like something of divinity, that shield was special no doubt. The platebody, and platelegs shone brightly in the dim light of the facility. “COMON LET’S GET OUT OF HERE!” screamed the stranger. “Take my hand!” Ben did as he was told. The stranger took a grey tablet with a capital “V” engraved on it and smashed it on the ground. Ben’s vision blurred and it felt as if his whole body were being compressed into the size of a pebble. The only thing he saw after that was darkness.

Ok so guys this was pretty much my first eve freestyle essay, so give me any tips to make it better, ill be adding more chapters as requested and i got the idea from tixxy, her's is really good i don't think mine will ever be that good, but here's my best shot Razz
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Cave Horror

Posts : 455
Join date : 2012-03-12
Location : The Dungeon

PostSubject: Re: Ben the Avenger.   Tue Sep 25, 2012 8:53 pm

From the title I thought it would be a picture of you dressed like Captain America, seems like I was wrong.
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Cave Slime

Posts : 47
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Earth

PostSubject: Re: Ben the Avenger.   Sat Jun 22, 2013 1:06 am

I know the problem you are having while writing, friend. I have the same problem when I free-write. My teachers told me the same thing I shall tell you.

"You do not start by setting a goal, you start by setting the bricks in the road that lead you to your goal."

Simply put, don't free-write. It ends horribly. Sad

Good writing, though. I like the style. It's to the point and doesn't have a lot of meat, but that can be good.

Keep it up.
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Ben the Avenger.
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